First and foremost I want to wish you a happy and blessed 2023!
As the new year starts to unfold, people are already working on, or at least attempting to work at making their new year resolutions a reality.
In terms of relationships, that is at a personal level or with colleagues, bosses and/or the team we lead, learning how to be better at people-ing will help us reach higher levels of success than through hard-work and grit alone. So to support your personal and professional journey into a successful 2023, I wanted to bust 3 myths about emotional intelligence and bring clarity on how it can become your ally.
Myth # 1 – Emotional intelligent people are nice, but they’re push-overs…
Being attuned with your emotions and aware of the emotions of the people you’re interacting with, has nothing to do with being nice. As a matter of fact, people with a more developed emotional intelligence tend to be more assertive.
Emotionally intelligent people are not driven by their emotions, on the contrary, they have a good grip on them.
Assertive people know how they are feeling, and at the same time are able to read the other person accurately, so there’s no need to lash out. Emotional intelligence allows us to express ourselves in a way that is conductive and will reap the best results.
Let’s say that you are part of a meeting in which the opinions are polarized within your team and you disagree with the current course of action. Instead of either
A.- Stay quiet (yet fuming inside) because if you say one more word you’re going to loose it…aka doormat
B.- Push your point aggressively and argue with the rest of the group until they agree with you…aka tyrant
Well, EQ offers your another, more conductive alternative…
C.- You can assertively put across your thoughts but accept that you may need to disagree and commit…aka rational
Having a good emotional management allows us to be more objective and better at decision making.
Myth # 2 – Emotional intelligent people avoid conflict…
It’s proven that people with disagreeable personalities, in general terms tend to climb the corporate ladder faster than agreeable-personality people. And women, in general tend to be more agreeable than their male counterparts. However, highly emotional intelligent people are able to openly and directly express themselves, even if that means they’re being perceived as disagreeable.
Leaders with a high EQ, are better equipped to build and develop successful teams because they embrace feedback and deliver it in a kind, but fact-based and timely manner; which builds up the recipient and supports their growth and development.
Most people dislike conflict, yet conflict an unavoidable part of life.
Emotional intelligence helps in avoiding passive aggressiveness and promoting emotional clarity. For example, anger is a healthy emotion. It indicates a discomfort we are feeling and guides us into setting healthy boundaries for ourselves, without destroying our relationships. So one of the goals of EQ is identifying what emotions we are feeling and fostering them in a conductive way, instead of blocking them until they bottle up to the point of exploding.
Myth # 3 – Emotional intelligence is the most important skill I must develop to succeed…
Despite all the wonderful outcomes emotional intelligence can create, we must be cautious about the downside of high EQ.
Highly emotional intelligent people can more easily empathize. They can in fact deliver a message that feels right to their audience.
However, when taken too far, it can transform influence into manipulation.
Abusing our social skills, by communicating solely based on emotions, while ignoring logical arguments and the negotiation aspects of communication, presents a high risk. In this regard, the downside of EQ is that it can allow ill-intended people to be overly persuasive and get their way. As with charisma, we tend to regard EQ as a positive trait, but be mindful that it can be used to achieve both ethical and unethical goals.
Same as with empathy, learning how to develop and fosters all aspect of EQ, instead of just what’s convenient for achieving our goals, is always the best rule of thumb.
Like with everything good in life, use with moderation and practice balance, too much of a good thing can be detrimental.
If you found value here today, please like, comment and subscribe. Throughout the month of January, I’ll be doing a deep dive into EQ, so stay tuned and share with 1 person who can benefit from this content.
Thanks for reading and God bless,
Always rooting for you!